"On Happiness"

Written 02/16/09

"State of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy..."

Jauren closed the large book slowly, sliding it back across the table toward a pile of others. He had been legitimately surprised the Goblins managed to define the simple word without a single mention of wealth. Why he was wasting his time looking at a Goblinish dictionary was unknown to even him-- as were his reasons behind doing almost anything else, really.

He was excellent at wasting time. People had always called him lazy, failing to see what was, in reality, very gifted time management. He moved at his own pace, getting things done when absolutely necessary, if even at all. He enjoyed himself, his time, his life.

Or so he had thought.

"Are you happy, Jauren?"

He had no idea if he was hearing his own conscience or if he was remembering the question he had been asked days before. It lingered. He was pissed that it lingered. You can be pissed and still be happy, right?

He threw his glasses onto the table next to some inconsequential book and leaned back in his chair. He had been doing an alright job of ignoring the passing glances, the narrowed eyes in his direction. He knew he stuck out like a bloody thumb, but they could all rightly piss off for all he cared. He rubbed at his jawline, feeling the stubble that prepubescent human boys could put to shame. He realized he quite possibly looked like shit.

But damnit, he was happy. Jauren had absolutely no reason not to be, and that could only mean that he was.

He grabbed the book yet again, flipping through it quickly.

"Any object of warm affection or devotion..."

He laughed to himself. Ignoring another round of dirty looks, he flipped the pages once more and read aloud. "State of ill-being due to affliction or misfortune..."

His laugh turned decidedly mad. Thank the Light the mages spending time in the library at this time of morning were not the type to make a scene.

Happiness. Love. Misery.

... they could never exist independently of each other. It was absolutely not possible. This realization troubled him to his core.

He closed the book once more and stood to leave. He blew a kiss as he passed one of the Gnomish girls who had disgustedly stared at him during his outbursts. This holiday had gotten to him something fierce...